27 June 2009

Taking The Piss


Buildings ∕ Damage fetishism

Act I. Scene III.
Interior. An architect’s office. Late at night.

Famous Architect: We need to consider location, when thinking about materials.
Associate: Indeed.
FA: And we’ve already commited ourselves to light green curtains.
A: A tricky one. Remind me, where will this hotel stand?
FA: On the site of the old Bavarian brewery, in the St. Pauli district of Hamburg.
A: I see.
FA: The brewing of beer, and the drinking of beer …
A: … and urinating afterwards.
FA: Very good! Keep it there! Let’s stay with urine … You piss up a corner on the way home from the pub and … Oxidization!
A: Oxidized bronze!
FA: Better yet: glass-bronze – it sounds fancier.
A: Fuck yeah!
FA: The glass-bronze cladding gets urinated upon by boozed-up students and left-wingers in protest against gentrification …
A: … it oxidizes, turns green …
FA: … and then matches the curtains in the cocktail lounge.
A: Perfect.
FA: I’m not shit-hot and famous for nothing, you know.

The Empire Riverside Hotel, Hamburg.
David Chipperfield Architects.